My Personal Grief Story
As a preteen, I faced the loss of both my grandfathers within a short span of time. This was my first true encounter with grief. Both grandpas played significant roles in my life, with one even living next door. I witnessed my family mourn their father, grandpa, and friend, but I struggled to embrace my own emotions. I felt a need to be strong for those around me, which often led to ignoring my own feelings.
To help process my grief after my first grandpa passed, my brother and I attended a counseling service where we created a piece of art in his memory. I recall this as a space to remember him and create something meaningful, but it felt like an endpoint—a way to "move on."
Reflecting as a young adult, I realize I don’t remember much from that period. My mom often tells a story about how, despite the losses, I was eager to return to school. In my preteen mind, I believed that if I didn’t allow myself to feel, my emotions would simply disappear. Looking back now, I understand I didn’t take the time to process the intense feelings within me or grant myself permission to grieve. Surrounded by others who were mourning, I chose instead to suppress my emotions.
This pattern followed me into my teenage and young adult years. I continued to avoid my feelings, hoping they would vanish on their own. It wasn’t until my own counseling journey that I began to learn valuable lessons about embracing and expressing my emotions.
Grief and Its Complexities
Grief is a natural yet overwhelming experience. It doesn’t follow a set timeline or rules, and the emotions it stirs can be as unpredictable as they are powerful. The holiday season can heighten this complexity, evoking a sense of joy and togetherness, but for many, like myself, it can also bring the weight of grief.
Grief is not something to "get over" but a natural emotional response to loss. It often feels like a whirlwind of emotions—sadness, anger, confusion, and even relief—all mixing in unexpected ways. Understanding this complexity is important as we move through the holiday season, which can trigger intense emotions and make it difficult to balance the holiday cheer with the pain of what’s missing.
Grief is a process without a set timeline, rules, or order. It’s an emotional journey that varies greatly from person to person. Some may experience overwhelming sadness, others might feel anger or guilt, and some may even feel a sense of relief or numbness. It’s important to understand that all these responses are valid. There is no “right” way to grieve, and there is no wrong way to feel.
Feelings of sadness, anger, confusion, and even relief are all part of the grieving process. What’s important is allowing yourself to feel these emotions without judgment. Whether you’re grieving the passing of someone close or mourning a different kind of loss—like the end of a relationship, a change in your health, or the loss of a dream—it’s important to acknowledge the pain and give yourself permission to experience it.
Grief can also be triggered by specific events or even small reminders. Holidays, anniversaries, or birthdays can be particularly difficult, bringing forth memories and intensifying feelings of loss. Even the scent of a favorite dish, a song, or a smell that reminds you of your loved one can bring those emotions rushing back. These triggers are completely normal, and it’s important to recognize them as part of the healing process.
Grief and the Holidays: A Delicate Balance
Holidays can be especially difficult when you are grieving, as they often heighten the sense of absence. Traditions that once brought joy now serve as painful reminders of who or what is missing. Whether it’s an empty chair at the dinner table or the silence where once-thriving laughter filled the house, these moments can trigger intense waves of grief.
Here are some strategies to help navigate grief during the holiday season:
Allow Yourself to Feel It’s important to give yourself permission to feel whatever emotions arise. Grief doesn’t follow a predictable pattern, and during the holidays, feelings may hit you unexpectedly. Instead of trying to push them away, let yourself process each emotion as it comes. Acknowledging and embracing your feelings is an important part of healing.
Seek Support Grief can feel isolating, but you are not alone. Talk about your feelings with someone you trust—a family member, friend, therapist, or support group. Sometimes just having someone listen can bring great comfort and remind you that you’re not alone in your experience.
Create Rituals to Honor Your Loved One You can still honor the memory of those you’ve lost while participating in holiday traditions. Consider creating a new ritual, like lighting a candle at the dinner table in their memory or preparing a dish they loved. These small acts of remembrance can provide a sense of connection and allow you to acknowledge the loss while still embracing the season.
Take Care of Yourself Grief can be physically taxing, so make sure to take care of your body. Eat well, get enough rest, and take time to move or exercise, even if it's just a short walk. Physical self-care is crucial during times of emotional strain and can help alleviate some of the physical symptoms of grief.
It’s OKAY to Say No Setting boundaries allows you to honor your grief, conserve your energy, and focus on yourself. Remember, it’s perfectly acceptable to prioritize rest, reflection, or time over social obligations. Saying no is an act of self-care, not selfishness.
Prepare for Triggers Certain events or situations may trigger grief, such as family gatherings or holiday songs. It can be helpful to anticipate these moments and prepare for them by talking to someone you trust about how you might handle these triggers. By acknowledging potential grief triggers in advance, you can help manage their emotional impact.
Grief is Not a Sign of Weakness—It’s a Sign of Love
Grief is not a weakness. While the pain of loss may never fully disappear, it will change and evolve over time. Allow yourself to feel the sadness, anger, and nostalgia, but also honor the love and memories that continue to live on.
Grieving during the holidays is a delicate balance—acknowledging your loss while also finding ways to celebrate the season. Giving yourself permission to feel your grief, seeking support, and creating new rituals can help you navigate this challenging time with compassion for yourself and those around you.
Remember, you are not alone. Grief is a universal experience, and by supporting each other through it, we can find healing. The holidays may not be the same without our loved ones, but they can still hold space for memories, connection, and the love that remains.
Take care this holiday season.
With care,
Sydney
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